Thursday, December 6, 2012

Pagan Insights #5

A bit late this month. Also, I'm thinking I should give them another name rather than just the numbers as we cycle into the new year. "Pagan Insights, Harvest Moon"? Or do it month by month? I'm thinking it over. I've never been sure about those moon names, anyway. I'm sure they're relevant if you live in Europe or wherever but "Wolf Moon"? There are no wolves here. Or much of anything. There are feral pigs. Feral Pig Moon? 


In Your Own Words
Felt off and anxious again this last couple of weeks which I have chosen to attribute to the summer on one side (ugh humidity) and hormones on the other. I've felt really sort of unsettled in an existential sort of way. So I've slacked on my work, and my prayer, and pretty much everything, in the hopes that if I don't think about it this sort of freak-out will go away. I think it's wearing off.

Post a Pic
But! Despite that I have been meditating most nights, and for the other night's meditation I lit a silver candle for the Full Moon. Here it is: 

New phone = fucking around with Instagram filters :3
Musical Musings
I've been feeling rather un-musical lately. All I've been doing music-wise in the past week or so is playing "Not in Nottingham" on the ukulele, because I've been gloomy and it is easy to play. That's pretty irrelevant spiritually, but I feel it must be said that I do feel a little bard-like when playing the ukulele. I played "The World Turned Upside Down" for Loki once. Hurt my hand like a motherfucker switching from E to B and back again. Anyway, "Not in Nottingham" is easy and satisfying to play, like the ukulele generally. If you don't have one you should get one, they honestly take like an hour to learn how to play, once you get it to stay in tune for 5 minutes at a time.

Action, Action!
So of course I am going to talk about how my meditation is going. And it's going well! I started to stop feeling anxious, and that worked for the first day like a fucking dream and then not so well on other days. But I think part of that was getting attacked by hormones. I have been working through some personal issues and stuff in and around the meditations so I think things are pointing in the direction of "better". If nothing else, I'm enjoying taking the time to stop everything and just sit quietly and have time to myself, even if my mind wanders. I've been mixing it up, and taking notes on how things go and what works and what doesn't.

One meditation I had, a couple of nights ago, I just focused on grounding and feeling like a tree. And as a tree I was thinking about change, how trees change through the year and so on. It's odd because change is one of those things I just think "oh well, change is inevitable etc etc" but actually I hate change, most of the time. I've changed in the past 10 years as have we all but I don't like to think about that. I don't like to acknowledge that I've changed or anything, even though I have, so I don't let myself have the luxury of change. But everyone changes. It's important. That's how couples grow apart, that's how people find new favourite things, new loves, new passions, new homes. Things that used to fit won't fit forever. And that doesn't even have to be a good thing - but it's not a bad thing either. It's just a thing. Everything changes. We all change.

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