Monday, November 18, 2013

Wanting Peace

I haven't written a ranty - or informative - blog post for a long, long time. The fact is while there are things to discuss, like that offensive "god graveyard", I'm just not in the emotional zone for writing things like that. At least, not when it comes to my religion.

It's early summer. A year ago, I was consumed with an anxiety disorder that was getting worse and worse. Now, I'm medicated, and much more stable. A year ago, I was feeling the urge to "start over", to get back to basics when it came to religion. Now, I still have that feeling, but it's combined with one of wanting simplicity, wanting peace, wanting to bask in the world around me as it is and reach out to nature and just be, and now I'm mentally in a better place to do that.

Part of it is that I've recently been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. (My fibro seems to be pretty mild, so generally speaking, I don't mind it - I'm happy just to have a diagnosis and that it wasn't something more serious like rheumatoid arthritis.) Even after a good night's sleep, I often feel tired. Sitting down and burning through a bunch of energy on a ranty post, and dealing with potential arguments in the comments, just feels like too much energy to be spending. Which isn't to say some subjects aren't worth the spoons... but personally, I don't want to write like that at the moment. Right now, that's not what I'm chasing. 

I do, however, want to write more often. I'm hoping next year will bring some new blog project or set of prompts, so I can write something actually interesting from time to time. That's one advantageous thing about the secular year starting in the middle of summer: things are alive and fertile, and so's my creativity, so it's a good time to start new projects. 

I'm holding rituals, I'm praying, but aside from that I don't feel as if I'm doing on a spiritual level. I don't feel like I'm connecting. I'm going to go and hunt for some spiritual exercises to help me feel more "in tune"... or maybe it's that I need something to muse on. The "sit! stop! listen!" drive remains with me, but I'm finding it hard to do. In my last post, I talked about how in the visual metaphor of my spiritual journey, I am not looking where I'm going. In a way perhaps this is a reflection of that; I'm stumbling and I feel like I need a guide of some kind.

The full moon is hanging above the ocean like an enormous copper coin. Tonight might be a wonderful night for a full moon meditation.

Quick admin thoughts before I disappear.... first, I haven't checked my email in like 6 months, so if you sent me one and I didn't reply, uh, sorry. I'll go check them now. Second, I might set up a G+ for Hagstone. I had one for about two weeks and didn't like it so I closed it, but it may be time to try it again, so if you see me on there say hi. :) Thirdly, a very special thank you to everyone for your comments and good wishes over the last year. It's been a year of health issues and confusion and unrest for me, and I'm really really thankful for all the support. You've been amazing and I can't thank you enough for it.


Edit: G+ is still awful but here is the Hagstone page anyway. Also I had a bunch of amazing emails and now I feel awful for not checking my inbox earlier.


  1. I'm forever grateful that I am able to forward most of my email accounts automatically to my main email. If I had to actually check each one, I'd probably never get around to it. XD

  2. Lately, I can very much identify with that deep mandate you write of, to simplify and to slow down... to cull away the noise and to pursue calm in the stillness and depths of living. It is indeed hard, though... much harder than it might seem on the surface.