Parenthood

I've had a lot of great feedback from women with children lately. That makes me feel particularly good; though our lifestyles are different, we do share much in common, and we respect one another's life choices. It's wonderful to get feedback from women with children who appreciate things I've written on the subject of motherhood, as it's not something I will ever experience, and I like to know that not only have I struck a chord, but I'm not treading on anyone's toes by expressing my feelings on the matter.

As a childfree person, I think parenthood is a very big and very important job. One of the reasons I don't want kids myself is the amount of time and energy I feel should be spent on one's children. For a parent, raising children will always come first: teaching them, expanding their range of experiences, attuning to their needs and wants, balancing play with learning. Music, sport, language, trivia. If this is what you want as a part of your life, I salute you for it - it's very important for society at large that love, time and energy are invested into raising the next generation by dedicated, wise parents.

The amount of energy I feel should be invested into raising sprogs is not something I personally feel able to invest, and as such, I would not want to be a poor parent by investing less than I feel necessary. And it's something I see quite a bit in the childfree community: parenthood is considered something important, and therefore, something that should be reserved for those who want to do it and will put the effort into doing it well.

Thence comes the term "breeder". Within the CF world it is often used pejoratively to refer to parents who do a poor job of parenting, and don't care. A breeder invests genetic material, but not the time or energy required to raise children who are well-mannered and intelligent. A breeder has children for the wrong reasons (to save a marriage, because they want something to dress up, to have something that will love them, because "that's what we do"). A breeder is not willing to shoulder the responsibility that parenthood. A breeder will not discipline his or her children, and affects outrage when someone points out that their sprogs are misbehaving. A breeder expects preferential treatment for herself and her children because she has procreated. A breeder has little respect for the world around him or her, and as such lets the children do as they please regardless of how offensive or destructive they are being. A breeder is selfish and disrespectful of others. A person who is having difficulty coping as a parent is not a breeder; the term applies to those who either don't notice their kids are misbehaving, or notice but think it's okay because it's their kids and they should be able to do what they like and god forbid anyone challenge them. These breeders who let their children run wild and criticise the childfree are the same people who have such little care and sympathy for those women who have difficult pregnancies, who struggle with parenting or who have suffered from PPD. They think that because their gametes collided they have accomplished something of note, something anyone should wish to accomplish, and that they should get special treatment for it.

Procreation is not difficult. People do it all the time. It is not a magical special miracle, it is a biological process. Parenthood, now, parenthood is difficult. That's why the word "parent" is reserved for those who put effort into doing it well.